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LA Radio – it’s a rusted out glory hole that I keep sticking my wang into, hoping each time will feel like the first. I’m stupid, I know.

Satellite radio saved me from needlessly mincing my member on the jagged old hole by providing me all the commercial free, formulaic, radio stations that cater to every mainstream niche I could possibly desire. The subscription came with my car, but recently it ran out, and I didn’t plan ahead and now I'm back cozying up to the old hole. 

Satellite service was cancelled in mid stream, which forced me to switch back over to terrestrial radio (not a good retronym, if you ask me), now even less appealing with the demise of INDIE 103.1. INDIE was a good station for a number of reasons, most of which I'm not interested in sharing, you'll have to look it up on wikipedia yourself. I was lucky that A told me about it in January, while cruising in her car, but my own disbelief had me tune her radio to El Gato 103.1. Huge bummer. Others were not so lucky.
 
My friend Annie recently left me an irate phone message when she made the startling discovery by herself. No one was there to comfort her amidst the Banda and the Norteno when she expected the Sex Pistols. So sad.

We lost FEDCO in 1999. FEDCO, for you chain loving assholes was a department store chain with a twist. It was a co-op, they were union, it was a one-stop shop in which you could buy Hanes T-Shirts, gourmet foods, cakes and pies, nice electronics and a new pair of glass eyes for cheaper than dead grass. $10 bought you a lifetime membership and keys to your wildest dreams, long before Oprah invented the notion. Pressure from Costco, Target and Wal Mart eventually brought it to its knees in chapter 11 bankruptcy . Target bought most of the FEDCO stores. Nothing can replace FEDCO, but I roll with the new mode anyway, groovin on the sexy Target ads, but inside I know I'm fooling myself.

LA Radio also has a new station you can groove to, in all the same fluffy style as shopping at Target for your Mossimo toilet paper. It's AMP 97.1. All hits all the time, 10,000 songs in a row without commercials. The catch - they only have 11 different songs and if you've been to Supercuts, you've already heard them.

I love it. Annie LOVES it – left me a very enthusiastic voice mail on Tuesday night.

It seems that someone went ahead and lined the old hole with crushed velvet for the time being. Thanks for that.

INDIE 103.1 is on the internet now. And they have an iPhone app you can download. And maybe, I might just take that cash-ola I've been saving in a drawer and get me an iPhone. Maybe satellite is so last week. As with anything else, I have to roll with the new mode, otherwise, I'm that dipshit who thinks the internet is a place.