Corporate (caffeine-induced) Perks

Corporate America. This is where I work. Isn’t it beautiful?

A few months ago, several improvements went into effect at my office. Colorfully repainted walls, a relaxed dress code and a less painful morning staff meeting schedule were all part of the plan – but the best improvement is the amazing new coffee maker. Behold.

It'll make your choice of coffee, espresso beverage or hot chocolate at the press of a button. Now I need go no farther than the office kitchen for the jolting treats that have become a mainstay in my adult life. (I'm currently working on figuring out if I can also get this machine to take care of the pesky monthly reports -- I'll keep you posted.)

The process goes something like this:

1. Place a receptacle in the designated area to capture the sweet blackened water. Then, choose your blend -- the LA-ubiquitous Wolfgang Puck has provided several.

2. Open the drawer and insert the single serving coffee brew pod.

3. Select your drink or brew.

4. Magic!

5. Return to work comforted and reinvigorated, as made possible by a good cup of coffee. Thank you Office Gods!

Friday

My mom voted for McCain because she believes that war creates jobs and was assured that a vote for McCain is a vote for jobs. So far these two wars have created jobs, but only for Dick Cheney and friends. I think she may have even voted yes on Prop 8 because someone at her church told her to. On my way home from Ben's and his old lady's house, I couldn't help notice the decor on this building on Hyperion. This hair place is run by gay and transgendered filipinos. It's where my mom gets her hair did. Wonder if she's been in a while. It's now extremely difficult to miss.

Earlier, Ben and his GF hosted Degrassi night. This was our spread. We loaded up, watched two episodes about one of the kids taking acid and slipping into a coma. We got back on the grub wagon and learned the Melbourne Shuffle, this version done by Filipinos.

Do You Know the Way to Santa Fe, Springs?

I took a captivating 50 mile detour away from work via Santa Fe Springs this morning to pick up some materials we need for a job we're doing. Sound snazzy? It's not. It's a cluster fuck of industrial buildings housing industries that specialize in ball bearings, sexual harassment, dirty bathrooms, wood paneled offices, race discrimination, underpayment of employees and all out suckitude. Not much different from the rest of this country, just has a lovely name.

Here are some photos of my morning excursion.

Hair and clear rubber gloves. Rubber gloves not pictured. This is in the alley adjacent to our building. Don't know the source or the story of how it arrived to this alley.


New Pepsi Obama Logo on this building, taken at sunrise. Pepsi, if we were democrats, we'd be as big as this building.


LACMA West née May Company building. Formerly a mid level department store, now a warehouse for LA County's own third rate museum and staff.


My favorite (and Ben's) recession relief headquarters.


Samy's Camera – home of the last great fuck tards.


Santa Fe Springs California posing as Baja California.


Santa Fe Springs. A West Covina New Year's Eve I should have known about.


Santa Fe Springs. The only auto center where I will be buying my leather chaps and reamer.


Pit Stop 1


Pit Stop 2


Contrary to my own rigid beliefs on the matter, there IS actually something free in this world. I was wrong.


Buena Park. The Citadel – where ancient Assyrians shop for designer seconds. Photo taken while whizzing by on the I-5, Golden State Freeway. This photo represents only one small section of the Megaplex built by this ancient bargain hunting and gathering people, long before horses and small pox arrived to this continent.


I had some time, I took a drive thru Portland.

*****

For your listening pleasure, Michelle Shocked.

Get some popcorn!

Welcome to the first and last official LABlogitude movie reviews!

So Hollywood is the center of the toilet bowl known as the movie industry here on Earth. This winter when I wasn't working or playing bocce I’ve been watching movies. So in no particular order of preference are the movies I’ve seen recently and a quick review.

The way I'm rating my preferences is I’m using the flush system. So if it was a huge turd that clogs the toilet it gets 4 flushes. If it was a sweet little picture that went down smoothly it gets one flush. I know kind of backwards but, you get the idea.

Slumdog Millionaire - 1 fluuusssh

Everyone knows this movie is awesome. Made by the same guy who did Trainspotting. I can’t wait for the screener to come out so I can see it again in my underwear.

Kung Fu Panda - 1 fluuusssh

Who doesn't like a cartoon that reminds you of Thundercats? Really great animation. Jack Black is hilarious as the voice of the panda and kudos to all the other cameo voices. Jackie Chan’s voice is in it too! If you have kids around and need to distract them for four hours watch this movie twice.


Batman: The Dark Knight - 1 fluuusssh

I didn’t see the prequel to this film or really keep up to date on my Batman sagas but, I must say this is a remarkably darker and more somber version of Batman compared to the one that had Mr. Mom. Heath Ledger is incredible; he should win the academy award. Must see with a good sound system. I wish I did.

1 extra fluuusssh for Heath.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - 4 fluuussshes


Why did they make this movie? And why did I watch it? This is one giant super turd. The only thing interesting about this movie is seeing that old guy get struck by lightning. Not the old guy above. That's Brad Pitt. Don't get your hopes up ladies and gentlemen, he spends half the movie as a baby or freak.

The Wrestler - 1 fluuusssh



Super dope. I loved this movie, Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei both give very heartfelt performances. The make-up/special effects stuff was really incredible and helped to connect you with the physical and mental turmoil facing “The Ram.” Must see.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - 1 fluuusssh



I know this is an old movie to review but, I just saw it. Beautifully filmed and a main character that you’d love to hate but, you can’t and you love and you cry. Super moving and like nothing I’ve seen before.

MILK - 1 fluuusssh


I didn’t really know who Harvey Milk was before I saw this movie and I’m really disappointed in myself. This movie by Gus Van Sant conveys the life and struggles of Harvey Milk. Van Sant mixed archival footage with the modern movie to illustrate a time in the US's history which isn't very different from today. Penn gives a deeply moving performance. I hope a lot of people see this movie. Another must see.

So I think that’s all of them. I saw that James Bond movie too but, who cares. Get on out there and see some movies!

Stuck on Repeat

I awoke with this tune dangling in my head.

*****

Dont think sorrys easily said
Dont try turning tables instead
Youve taken lots of chances before
But Im not gonna give anymore
Dont ask me
Thats how it goes
Cause part of me knows what youre thinkin

Dont say words youre gonna regret
Dont let the fire rush to your head
Ive heard the accusation before
And I aint gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in your eyes
Made some of the lies worth believing

Chorus:
I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I dont need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, I can read your mind

Dont leave false illusions behind
Dont cry cause I aint chnaging my mind
So find another fool like before
Cause I aint gonna live anymore believing
Some of the lies while all of the signs are deceiving

*****

For your listening pleasure, this version of Eye in the Sky performed by my people.

One day, we will pick ourselves up by our collective flip flops and rule the world in all areas, including popular light rock.

First Meal, Last Waking Thought

This is what I had for breakfast today, and pretty much every day. I was inspired by our friend Evan Roberts to take a photo of my breakfast.

I invite you to enjoy Evan's 100 Days of Breakfast.

At this moment, I am enjoying the sound of our neighbor's Mexican boyfriend doing telephone business loudly outside on the walkway with a friend whom he affectionately and alternately refers to as Nigga and Bro. I have never appreciated our neighbor's taste in douchebags or dogs really. I don't know what happened to the chihuahua, seems to have been replaced or maybe scarfed down by the rambunctious rottweiler. Now we got this new guy, Mr. Bidness Man, with a penchant for loud talking on the friends and family plan AND for shorts in the winter.

I woke up because someone had called me past the cut off time to tell me something of little importance or interest to me. Someone who giggles unnecessarily as a form of nervous punctuation. As in, "I called her back and she said no ho ho ho ha ha ha ha ha, not today ha ha ha ha haaaah!" If you are one of these people, seek help. You sound crazy.

I've used this handy impromptu sleep interruption to alter one of my hoodies, do some pull-ups, have a bowl of trader joe's vanilla clusters cereal while watching Sex and the City with my BF, put away some files and letters, did more pull-ups, pushups, sit-ups, biceps, and lunges. Thank you sleep interrupters and fuck you too. In two hours or so when I'm on the road, I'm going to make sure to drive over each of you until your guts are a human paté.

A Toilet Flush Homecoming

As most people in LA are transplants, the mass exodus occurs around December 20 and re-entry occurs gradually, spanning from just after Christmas day up to the first Monday of the New Year. This year, I was one of the flock – flying off to see family in a faraway land – and returning just yesterday to this city that always welcomes me in its own way.

There’s magic in seeing the swaying palm trees from the window of a plane, especially if your flight departed from somewhere very cold or where there was snow on the ground, and even more especially if this place is a more than 10 hour flight away. That thick brown haze on the horizon is also magical in its own way, in all it alludes to.

I typically take the bus from LAX – and there’s usually a memorable bus driver to make me feel at home. Yesterday, the Flyaway driver laughed at some guy asking if Union Station was in Van Nuys. Then he told everyone to put on their seatbelts. When all the passengers turned to find a shoulder strap, he chuckled and announced that the bus didn’t have seatbelts.

After a ride down the 105, I walked to where I’d catch my next bus home. Waiting for behind the station at Cesar Chavez and Vignes, there was a taco truck and a homeless man sitting at the bus stop wolfing down a taco. When he got up to throw his wrapper in the garbage can near where I was standing, he exchanged words with me before running across the street.

Homeless man: “Did you work for First Charter Bank?”
Me: “…wha?”
Homeless man: “Yes you did, bitch!”

For the final leg, I often haul my suitcase up the street. This does garner some looks, mind you, but yesterday no one seemed to notice. They were all in a post-holiday fog. Even the homeless woman who sits outside the liquor store and greets me every morning on my way to work didn’t say anything. She just stared ahead with a blank and lonely expression on her face as I walked by.