It’s gonna be New Year’s Eve tonight which I’m looking forward to because; I’ll be spending it with good friends and not working tomorrow. Also, 2008 was crazy. It was a long and stressful year and plenty of awesome and amazing things happened and also a lot of shitty things. At New Years you can use this time to reflect on the past; make resolutions to improve your existence on this planet, and/or get totally wasted! I usually prescribe to the later like most young adults but, this year will be different. I’ll only have a few beers and concentrate more on the Arts and Crafts activities that I’m organizing for earlier in the evening. On tap we’ve got the Times Square ball decorating, glow in the dark bocce ball painting, making super nachos, and then midnight bocce in Beverly Hills.
It feels like a proper end to 2008 and calendar change into 2009. We’re not doing a stupid countdown or cheering when the New Year comes. We’re just going to be hanging out and waiting for New “Whatever” Year to arrive.
So here are my resolutions for the New "Whatever" Year:
· Work out more with Kate. (Leg tosses twice a week and going for a jog once a week.)
· Ride my bike in the mountains at least once every two weeks.
· Rethink why I am an artist and make art.
· Be nice and not say negative things about people anymore.
· Get out of debt. (Not gonna happen but, I’ll take some major steps in doing this.)
· Quit smoking. (I’m just kidding, I don’t smoke. But, if you do, you should quit.)
Have a wonderful transition into a new Judeo-Christian calendar year everyone!
With Love,
Ben
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Letter to Samy's
You want to know the truth? No matter who you are, there is someone or something much bigger than you, stronger than you, nimbler than you, and you got to pick and choose your battles. Most of the time it's not worth it. Earlier this week it was Fedex. And the answer by the way, is that no, the Palace was not closed, my key contacts and many others were on vacation and neglected to inform us. Because the palace is so grand, the Fedex rep in France didn't quite know which cake shaped door to leave it at. Long story short, that shit finally got there.
Today, I'm treating you to a letter to Samy's Camera. Don't go there. Read the reviews on the interweb for yourself.
*****
December 26, 2008
Re: Thanks!
Hey Samy's Camera,
You ever read the book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus? One of the main points in the book is that women listen by hearing while men listen by skipping over the hearing and understanding and they go straight into problem solving. From my own census of the place, it seems to me that Samy's is run by problem solving men and that's a good thing because there are a lot of problems out there.
I appreciate Samy's and the myriad products and services that it provides to countless photographers in Southern California. My patronage at your establishment is purposely limited for several reasons of my own and this evening's interaction made all of them perfectly clear.
I purchased a Canon SD790IS for $250. Nice camera. When I got home, by sheer coincidence, a pesky pop-up ad for Best Buy connected me to another page for the same camera, on sale for $179.99. Hard to believe I know.
Rules are in place for many reasons, and even if I don't agree with the rules, I respect them. You'll never ever see me park my Porsche in a loading zone. Never. I understand Samy's return policy as it is noted in the store, but not as it pertains to price matching. On my immediate return to the store, I asked the gentleman helping me one simple question - Does Samy's offer price matching? And I further stated, "if not, I understand, I will leave." That was my question. In Mars-Venus Speak, I came in with a question and I wanted to be heard, understood and answered, but what I got was a good dose of problem solving.
The gentleman was not happy about my query as he told me that that price, shown on the web page print out is well below cost. A simple yes or no would have done the trick. I am thankful that I'm a business person, so I used my special business person hearing and I understood this statement to mean "no". I requested my receipt so that I could leave. The gentleman did not hand it back, but took it away to confer with others and returned stating that he would honor this price, but only in this instance. Problem solved right? And he added further, "If all customers were like you, there would be no Samy's." No, problem created.
I am not out to ruin an independent business over $70.00, and I regret that I even bothered with this. I was simply seeking clarification on Samy's position re price matching. I gave the gentleman several opportunities to state Samy's position on price matching. He chose instead, to not answer my question with any clarity and offered a price reduction in resentment, and then returned his resentment to me as an insult. Whoops, there goes that Mars again.
Let's be clear about something - in this new era in which all old modes of doing business are swiftly rendered useless, it is statements like this to customers like me that will put Samy's out of business.
Call me if you want your $70 back, I'll personally hand deliver it. You could use some of it to buy the book.
All the Best,
Yirko
Today, I'm treating you to a letter to Samy's Camera. Don't go there. Read the reviews on the interweb for yourself.
*****
December 26, 2008
Re: Thanks!
Hey Samy's Camera,
You ever read the book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus? One of the main points in the book is that women listen by hearing while men listen by skipping over the hearing and understanding and they go straight into problem solving. From my own census of the place, it seems to me that Samy's is run by problem solving men and that's a good thing because there are a lot of problems out there.
I appreciate Samy's and the myriad products and services that it provides to countless photographers in Southern California. My patronage at your establishment is purposely limited for several reasons of my own and this evening's interaction made all of them perfectly clear.
I purchased a Canon SD790IS for $250. Nice camera. When I got home, by sheer coincidence, a pesky pop-up ad for Best Buy connected me to another page for the same camera, on sale for $179.99. Hard to believe I know.
Rules are in place for many reasons, and even if I don't agree with the rules, I respect them. You'll never ever see me park my Porsche in a loading zone. Never. I understand Samy's return policy as it is noted in the store, but not as it pertains to price matching. On my immediate return to the store, I asked the gentleman helping me one simple question - Does Samy's offer price matching? And I further stated, "if not, I understand, I will leave." That was my question. In Mars-Venus Speak, I came in with a question and I wanted to be heard, understood and answered, but what I got was a good dose of problem solving.
The gentleman was not happy about my query as he told me that that price, shown on the web page print out is well below cost. A simple yes or no would have done the trick. I am thankful that I'm a business person, so I used my special business person hearing and I understood this statement to mean "no". I requested my receipt so that I could leave. The gentleman did not hand it back, but took it away to confer with others and returned stating that he would honor this price, but only in this instance. Problem solved right? And he added further, "If all customers were like you, there would be no Samy's." No, problem created.
I am not out to ruin an independent business over $70.00, and I regret that I even bothered with this. I was simply seeking clarification on Samy's position re price matching. I gave the gentleman several opportunities to state Samy's position on price matching. He chose instead, to not answer my question with any clarity and offered a price reduction in resentment, and then returned his resentment to me as an insult. Whoops, there goes that Mars again.
Let's be clear about something - in this new era in which all old modes of doing business are swiftly rendered useless, it is statements like this to customers like me that will put Samy's out of business.
Call me if you want your $70 back, I'll personally hand deliver it. You could use some of it to buy the book.
All the Best,
Yirko
Monday, December 22, 2008
Heaven or Hold
Following is a transcript of a conversation I had on or around 4:00 this afternoon. I transcribed it as the conversation unfolded.
*****
Fedex: Thank you for calling fedex, how may I assist you today?
Me: Hi, how are you?
Fedex: Fine sir. And yourself? [male voice seems "young"]
Me: Great thanks. I need your help. I'm tracking a package right now and I can't understand why it just can’t seem to make it to its destination. I need your help in knowing why when I track it, it looks as though it’s been turned away twice. I’m looking at one note here that says the business was closed.
Fedex: Ok sir, do you have the tracking number?
Me: Just a sec. Ready?
Fedex: Anytime sir.
Me: 779316133267681318362475579321779331248546843126 (this is the only embellishment in the dialogue, the rest is as true to form as I could simultaneously type and talk.)
Fedex: Let me check for a moment. [Hold music and other Fedex whoozymaroo]
[Long wait]
Fedex: Thank you for holding sir, it says that the business was closed and they will try again tomorrow morning.
Me: Yeah, I see that on the website. That was on Friday though and I'm wondering why they didn't deliver it today.
Fedex: Sir, it appears that it’s to a rural address and that's maybe why they can’t find it. I need to check on something, can you hold sir?
Me: Sure.
[Long wait]
Fedex: Sir, it says that the package will go out for delivery again tomorrow. It's a rural address and maybe they are having a hard time finding it.
Me: M-hmm. Rural address. I see. Can you tell me what address is listed on the piece of paper, uh you know, the airbill? I want to make sure that it's what I have on file.
Fedex: Okay. Let’s see, just a moment while I look that information up. It says…
Sha...
Tow...
Day...
V...
E...
R...
S...
A...
Me: Versailles! Chateau de Versailles.
Fedex: Yes, that's right sir.
Me: [Pausing and doing trademark anger management inhale] Just so we’re clear on something, your notes are correct. This is in fact a rural address, but this particular address to which I am sending this extremely important package is a PALACE. It’s a big building, probably the only one in the area.
Fedex: Oh OK. Hold on.
[Hold music. Long wait again]
Fedex: Sir, what I know is that it went out for delivery on Friday and it will go out again in tomorrow morning.
Me: I know this too. It says it on screen. [lowered, fakely calm voice] Lemme tell you this, this palace is kind of like the White House of France. It's a big place with people all the time. It's not a little farm house.
Fedex: Ok sir, can you hold on, let me check something.
[Hold]
Fedex: Sir it says that the package -
Me: No listen, even if something was not completely correct about the address I entered, the people handling this know what this place is. What I’m trying to say is that it’s hard to miss. It's very hard. You have to imagine that I'm trying to send something important to the you know, the White House of France. Can you understand why I'm having a hard time understanding why the driver can't find it?
Fedex: Sure sir.
Me: What I want to know is why my package was turned away. The tracker thing says the building was closed on Friday. As far as I know, it's open all week. And today, for no reason, it was out out for delivery and at almost 11 at night, at night! it comes back to the fedex facility there. What is the problem so I know what to do with my other packages?
Fedex: I see. Hold on.
[Hold music. I'm breathing]
Fedex: Sir, what I can tell you is that is that we tried to deliver it on Friday and for some reason that was the only time.
Me: No. The website indicates two trips, both unsuccessful. [Pausing and breathing] I see that you are doing all that is in your power to help me, and I appreciate it, is there someone else I can speak to who can just answer me this question: what is happening that my package can’t make it to a known landmark that is always open?
Fedex: Sir, it’s just my supervisors above me and they can only tell you what's in the system.
Me: A similar thing has happened before, can I talk to someone in Atlanta C.A.T.?
Fedex: Sir, you can talk to someone in E-CAT, but they are above me.
Me: But wouldn't that be a good thing?
Fedex: Not really. See, they have to do the same thing I do. Well, it's in ODA. That means it's out of our hands.
Me: ODA.
Fedex: Overseas Delivery Agent. It's all in their hands now. Uh I guess I can put in a request for a tracer.
Me: A tracer?
Fedex: We can put a tracer on it. We can put in note to call the local station agent and get that person to explain what happened.
Me: Yes. That’s what I want. I want to know what exact truck it was on, and who the driver is, and why it’s not getting there. This is an extremely important package and I have a hard time understanding why it just can’t get to the palace. People are waiting for this thing.
Fedex: Well, I'm putting a note into the blah blah blah blah blah
Me: [Praying. Writing down a case number, not melting down.]
*****
Fedex: Thank you for calling fedex, how may I assist you today?
Me: Hi, how are you?
Fedex: Fine sir. And yourself? [male voice seems "young"]
Me: Great thanks. I need your help. I'm tracking a package right now and I can't understand why it just can’t seem to make it to its destination. I need your help in knowing why when I track it, it looks as though it’s been turned away twice. I’m looking at one note here that says the business was closed.
Fedex: Ok sir, do you have the tracking number?
Me: Just a sec. Ready?
Fedex: Anytime sir.
Me: 779316133267681318362475579321779331248546843126 (this is the only embellishment in the dialogue, the rest is as true to form as I could simultaneously type and talk.)
Fedex: Let me check for a moment. [Hold music and other Fedex whoozymaroo]
[Long wait]
Fedex: Thank you for holding sir, it says that the business was closed and they will try again tomorrow morning.
Me: Yeah, I see that on the website. That was on Friday though and I'm wondering why they didn't deliver it today.
Fedex: Sir, it appears that it’s to a rural address and that's maybe why they can’t find it. I need to check on something, can you hold sir?
Me: Sure.
[Long wait]
Fedex: Sir, it says that the package will go out for delivery again tomorrow. It's a rural address and maybe they are having a hard time finding it.
Me: M-hmm. Rural address. I see. Can you tell me what address is listed on the piece of paper, uh you know, the airbill? I want to make sure that it's what I have on file.
Fedex: Okay. Let’s see, just a moment while I look that information up. It says…
Sha...
Tow...
Day...
V...
E...
R...
S...
A...
Me: Versailles! Chateau de Versailles.
Fedex: Yes, that's right sir.
Me: [Pausing and doing trademark anger management inhale] Just so we’re clear on something, your notes are correct. This is in fact a rural address, but this particular address to which I am sending this extremely important package is a PALACE. It’s a big building, probably the only one in the area.
Fedex: Oh OK. Hold on.
[Hold music. Long wait again]
Fedex: Sir, what I know is that it went out for delivery on Friday and it will go out again in tomorrow morning.
Me: I know this too. It says it on screen. [lowered, fakely calm voice] Lemme tell you this, this palace is kind of like the White House of France. It's a big place with people all the time. It's not a little farm house.
Fedex: Ok sir, can you hold on, let me check something.
[Hold]
Fedex: Sir it says that the package -
Me: No listen, even if something was not completely correct about the address I entered, the people handling this know what this place is. What I’m trying to say is that it’s hard to miss. It's very hard. You have to imagine that I'm trying to send something important to the you know, the White House of France. Can you understand why I'm having a hard time understanding why the driver can't find it?
Fedex: Sure sir.
Me: What I want to know is why my package was turned away. The tracker thing says the building was closed on Friday. As far as I know, it's open all week. And today, for no reason, it was out out for delivery and at almost 11 at night, at night! it comes back to the fedex facility there. What is the problem so I know what to do with my other packages?
Fedex: I see. Hold on.
[Hold music. I'm breathing]
Fedex: Sir, what I can tell you is that is that we tried to deliver it on Friday and for some reason that was the only time.
Me: No. The website indicates two trips, both unsuccessful. [Pausing and breathing] I see that you are doing all that is in your power to help me, and I appreciate it, is there someone else I can speak to who can just answer me this question: what is happening that my package can’t make it to a known landmark that is always open?
Fedex: Sir, it’s just my supervisors above me and they can only tell you what's in the system.
Me: A similar thing has happened before, can I talk to someone in Atlanta C.A.T.?
Fedex: Sir, you can talk to someone in E-CAT, but they are above me.
Me: But wouldn't that be a good thing?
Fedex: Not really. See, they have to do the same thing I do. Well, it's in ODA. That means it's out of our hands.
Me: ODA.
Fedex: Overseas Delivery Agent. It's all in their hands now. Uh I guess I can put in a request for a tracer.
Me: A tracer?
Fedex: We can put a tracer on it. We can put in note to call the local station agent and get that person to explain what happened.
Me: Yes. That’s what I want. I want to know what exact truck it was on, and who the driver is, and why it’s not getting there. This is an extremely important package and I have a hard time understanding why it just can’t get to the palace. People are waiting for this thing.
Fedex: Well, I'm putting a note into the blah blah blah blah blah
Me: [Praying. Writing down a case number, not melting down.]
Friday, December 19, 2008
It's winter time in Los Angeles! Really it is.
Hello readers,
As most of you know by way of our news feed on the right, we've had some terrible winter weather in Los Angeles (translation: thunder storms). We survived, barely. It does get kind of crazy around here with a plethora of vehicular accidents, flooding, and mud slides. But, right now all of that is over and it's super sunny and the Angeles Mountains just north of Los Angeles are dusted in wonderful snow.
Being from the east coast I miss weather. Los Angeles doesn't really have seasons. It rains about 10 days out of the year so it can be kind of strange for someone like me who's use to stuff falling out of the sky occasionally. Having wilderness and 6,000 foot mountains right next to where I live is very overlooked by the wider world and Angelinos themselves. Luckily for me I’m an avid cyclist and all around bike nerd so I find myself up in the mountains every weekend when I can make it, breathing deeply of the fresh air and observing nature from my carbon road bike.
Well now all that's fucked. The snow has come to the mountains so I will try to ride up there on New Year's Day with a whole bunch of other cycling nerds and, we'll see how far we'll make it. One of the places that I always ride to is Mt. Wilson (elv. 5,700 ft). The last time I was up there was about a month ago and it was just starting to get chilly, you needed arm warmers. Now it's 20 degrees with 20 inches of snow! The roads up into the mountains are all shut down but, when they reopen the LABLOGituders and I are definitely going sledding! There's an entire winter wonderland to explore and trust me we're going there no matter what.
So winter does come to Los Angeles. You just have to drive 30 minutes to find it. Below is a pic. from the Mt. Wilson Observatory Towercam today. . .and if you really want to geek out here's the url.
As most of you know by way of our news feed on the right, we've had some terrible winter weather in Los Angeles (translation: thunder storms). We survived, barely. It does get kind of crazy around here with a plethora of vehicular accidents, flooding, and mud slides. But, right now all of that is over and it's super sunny and the Angeles Mountains just north of Los Angeles are dusted in wonderful snow.
Being from the east coast I miss weather. Los Angeles doesn't really have seasons. It rains about 10 days out of the year so it can be kind of strange for someone like me who's use to stuff falling out of the sky occasionally. Having wilderness and 6,000 foot mountains right next to where I live is very overlooked by the wider world and Angelinos themselves. Luckily for me I’m an avid cyclist and all around bike nerd so I find myself up in the mountains every weekend when I can make it, breathing deeply of the fresh air and observing nature from my carbon road bike.
Well now all that's fucked. The snow has come to the mountains so I will try to ride up there on New Year's Day with a whole bunch of other cycling nerds and, we'll see how far we'll make it. One of the places that I always ride to is Mt. Wilson (elv. 5,700 ft). The last time I was up there was about a month ago and it was just starting to get chilly, you needed arm warmers. Now it's 20 degrees with 20 inches of snow! The roads up into the mountains are all shut down but, when they reopen the LABLOGituders and I are definitely going sledding! There's an entire winter wonderland to explore and trust me we're going there no matter what.
So winter does come to Los Angeles. You just have to drive 30 minutes to find it. Below is a pic. from the Mt. Wilson Observatory Towercam today. . .and if you really want to geek out here's the url.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Pudding
At 2:45 this afternoon, the work team had a pudding party. Last week, we had a fried chicken party. The breading was made of crushed Snyder’s of Hanover pretzels. Earlier today, the boss brought in a plate of deep fried pretzel balls. What's a pretzel ball? Crushed pretzels, cayenne pepper, salt, eggs, milk and flour, deep fried - the breading we used on the chicken, sans the chicken.
Pictured above, clockwise from top: chocolate pudding, stainless steel pig nose, clear plastic cups, vanilla pudding, pistachio pudding, whipped cream.
A Little Pudding Dialog. Dorky employee who I can't stand just walked in here. I offered her some pudding.
DEWICS: Eeww, green. Green pudding. I can't eat green pudding.
ME: Well did you look at the rest of the table? There are other colors.
DEWICS: Oh yeah, I guess I didn't notice that. How does this work?
ME: If I have to tell you how pudding works, I can't help you.
DEWICS: I don’t know how to work it.
End of conversation. I keep looking at my screen, hoping that I can dissolve her with my silent brain power.
Say Cheese
It's holiday card time.
My coworker asked me to help him fix the Cujo laser robot kill dog eyes on this photo.
With a little ye olde photoshoppe magic, I sent this, my best work so far.
But I'm not that big an asshole, so I eventually emailed him something less apalling.
My coworker asked me to help him fix the Cujo laser robot kill dog eyes on this photo.
With a little ye olde photoshoppe magic, I sent this, my best work so far.
But I'm not that big an asshole, so I eventually emailed him something less apalling.
Happiness is a Warm Truck
This truck and many others like it are among the legions of mundane heros that keep the LA juggernaut in full tilt, every day without fail. It’s going to rain again today, that’s why the money taker isn’t wearing her trademark snakeskin print jeans. She knows us all by name, but prefers to call us Corazon or Baybee – comforting in a most unusual way. The cook slings all orders, yelled into the window by the workers, in less than ten minutes. My kind of efficiency.
Sure, there are firefighters and cops and a great many others who'd happily run into a burning building to save you as you clutch your Abba records, but nothing tears up my Man-tang more and makes me smile as much as when I see the Taco Truck, bringer of tasty, greasy, hope.
*****
For your listening pleasure, Barry Manilow
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